Forgiveness can generate much emotion within us – especially when we just do not want to forgive someone. Forgiving is not easy, and we may not even be aware of the reasons that keep us from wanting to offer forgiveness. We all have amazing ways to rationalize ourselves right out of offering forgiveness, don’t we?
Perhaps our unwillingness to forgive stems from wanting to hold on to power and control in the situation. Or perhaps we feel that the other person should apologize first.
Or perhaps we feel that the person does not deserve forgiveness because they have hurt us so many times.
But, could it be, that when we do not offer forgiveness, we are not abiding in Jesus? Ouch! That one hurts! Of course, we think we are abiding in Jesus. We go to church, we read our Bibles, and we may even be telling others about Jesus. But, if there is someone we are not forgiving, then we may not be abiding in Jesus and producing the fruit of the Spirit as a branch of the Vine should (John 15:1-17).
Peter asked Jesus, “How many times do I need to forgive my brother?” Do you remember how many times Jesus told him in Matthew 18:21-22? Seventy-seven times! This indicates we are to forgive as many times as it takes.
What about those who haven’t repented or told us that they are sorry? We don’t have to forgive them, do we? Well, yes. We must still offer the gift of forgiveness. If we are abiding in Christ and desire to represent his love to all, we must offer forgiveness to all even if they have not asked for it and even if they have not had a change of heart. If we don’t, we hold on to an attitude of judgment and unforgiveness and do not share the love of Christ. We set ourselves up as judge instead of trusting Jesus to work it out.
Does forgiving automatically mean reconciliation? Does it mean we entirely forget the offense? No. Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation and does not necessarily mean we forget. Offering the gift of forgiveness is what is asked of us. If the person accepts, reconciliation can begin. Sometimes there may be very real consequences to the offense which makes forgetting impossible. However, to the best of our ability, we need to live in peace with everyone (Romans 12:18).
What if they do not choose to accept forgiveness? Forgiving is what the Lord expects of us. Whether or not the person accepts the forgiveness offered does not change that. By forgiving, we remain in the Vine and demonstrate Jesus’ love. When we abide in the Vine, our branches will blossom and bloom with the fruit of righteousness.
As we are nearing the most holy days of the Church year, the celebration of Jesus’ resurrection, we are focusing on the biggest act of forgiveness ever offered. Scripture tells us that we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). We ourselves need God’s forgiveness. Thankfully, “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Jesus died for us and offered us forgiveness before we apologized to him for our sin. During Passion Week, he came forward to freely drink the Father’s cup of wrath against our sin so he could offer us forgiveness. Even as the Roman soldiers were pounding piercing nails into his flesh, Jesus asked the Father to “forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). How could he possibly be thinking of others at that time and especially with such compassion that he would ask for forgiveness for them?
So, do we need to forgive? Mark 11:25 tells us, “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” And again, in Matthew 6:14-15, we are told, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will our Father forgive your trespasses.” Yikes! We need God’s forgiveness, so we need to forgive others. If Jesus could forgive the Roman soldiers (and us) during such horrendous pain, how can we not forgive others in our lives?
Perhaps, especially at this time of year, we should reflect upon how much we have been forgiven and offer forgiveness to those who have transgressed us. Maybe it is someone at work or a close friend who has wronged you. It might even be a family member or spouse who you feel is exploiting you as Judas exploited Jesus. Can you choose to forgive them? If you do, it will show you are surrendered to God’s plan of love and forgiveness. It shows that you are abiding in Jesus and trusting him to work in the situation. Yes, forgiveness is difficult, but as the Lord has forgiven us, so must we forgive (Colossians 3:13).
Melinda moved to Colorado in 2016 with her husband Jeff and their three boys, Jeremy, Jason, and Jaxon. Minuet, their oldest child, lives in Maryland and is going to make Melinda and Jeff grandparents for the first time in October of this year!
Three years prior to moving to Colorado, the Van Horns lived in an RV and traveled around the country as Jeff’s employment required. Before that, Melinda lived in Florida for 40 years, and earlier in her life she lived Michigan, Illinois, and Iowa.
During her time in Florida, the Lord called her to attend Moody Bible Institute and then Dallas Theological Seminary where she earned her B.S. and M.B.S. in Biblical Studies, respectively.
Melinda homeschools her three boys and works part time as an optician. Women’s ministry, writing, and teaching are ways Melinda feels called to serve the Lord. All these avenues are mission fields in which she hopes to spread God’s love to all with whom she comes into contact. She hopes to glorify the Lord in all she says and does.